Animal jokes

There are 67 funny Animal jokes in this category.

Prev 5 | Next 5

Unique Parrot (Added On: 2010-07-14 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

UNIQUE PARROTA few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a uniquegift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he'slooking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agreesthat Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls outa lighter.The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot.Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husbandis very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the managermoves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing"Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect andthat he'll take him.The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her thiswonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain theparrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet'sleft foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighterunder the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells." Thewife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husbandwhat happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead.Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and thebird begins to sing - - "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"

---

Ode to a Glow Worm (Added On: 2010-07-12 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

I wish I was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum. It's hard to be downhearted, When the sun shines out your bum!

---

19 Things NOT to say to the police officer (Added On: 2010-05-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't on.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been going 125 mph just to keep up with me!

5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop.

6. Bad cop! No donut!

7. You're gonna check the trunk, aren't you?

8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school instead.

9. I pay your salary.

10. That's terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.

11. Is that a 9mm? It's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You're a trained specialist?

13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

14. That gut doesn't inspire too much confidence; bet I can outrun you.

15. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

16. Is it true people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic.

18. Yes, I know there are no other cars around--That's how far they are ahead of me.

19. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

---

Christmas Carol Parrot (Added On: 2010-05-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot. ''It's beautiful!'' cried the man, ''Does he do any tricks?'' ''Yes he does,'' answered the salesman. ''If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.''' ''Amazing!'' exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought. ''Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know know any tricks?'' asked the wife. The man smiled and said, ''Watch this.'' Then he lit a match and put it under the birds right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.' ''That's incredible! Does he do anything else?'' the wife asked. ''I don't know, lets see.'' replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the birds legs. ''Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...''

---

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? (Added On: 2010-05-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

---

There are 67 funny Animal jokes in this category.

Prev 5 | Next 5