Animal jokes

There are 50 funny Animal jokes in this category.

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NIGHT SHIFT (Added On: 2010-02-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the

bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast

asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet

and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried down- stairs

for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and

his wife pouring coffee. "How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked.

"We were just making love!"

"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came

over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down

for awhile."

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe

this happened. Why didn't you say something?" The mother-in-law

huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!"

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Carrots (Added On: 2010-02-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

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Heaven (Added On: 2010-02-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?" "It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time." "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m."Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm a rabbit in Arizona."

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What, Exactly, Are Cats? (Added On: 2010-01-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be left alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave their hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts. Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.

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Animal feet (Added On: 2010-01-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

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There are 50 funny Animal jokes in this category.

Prev 5 | Next 5