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Animal jokes
Groundhog Day (Added On: 2010-09-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!" The cow? (Added On: 2010-09-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. Horse Sense (Added On: 2010-09-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper. Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Then the farmer nonchalantly said, Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try." Horny Rooster (Added On: 2010-08-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house. Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Henry, you'll kill yourself." But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy." "Shhhhh," Henry whispered, "The buzzard is getting closer." Unique Parrot (Added On: 2010-07-14 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) UNIQUE PARROTA few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a uniquegift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he'slooking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agreesthat Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls outa lighter.The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot.Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husbandis very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the managermoves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing"Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect andthat he'll take him.The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her thiswonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain theparrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet'sleft foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighterunder the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells." Thewife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husbandwhat happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead.Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and thebird begins to sing - - "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"
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