Aviation jokes

There are 32 funny Aviation jokes in this category.

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Stumpy and Martha (Added On: 2011-07-06 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, ''Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane.'' And every year Martha would say, ''I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.'' One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, ''Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.'' Martha replied, ''Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.'' The pilot overheard them and said, ''Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars.'' Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, ''By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't.'' Stumpy replied, ''Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.''

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Shotgun Weddings (Added On: 2011-06-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

(From an article in the Globe & Mail, Jul 26, written by Bryan Johnson, in
Pakistan:)

First [he] tells of a pilot who spotted tracer bullets as he approached
a runway in Northern Pakistan. So the pilot swung around and approached
the runway from the other end only to find bullets winging by there too.
So he tried to land on a road and cracked up.

From whence came the bullets? Afghan rebels? Terrorists? No,
just "one hell of a wedding party." In the Peshawar region, wedding
guests can rent an AK-47 for a day for $2 or the use of a water buffalo.
With tragic results. In one case, "jubilant" cousins accidentally
"blasted away" the bridegroom's father. The wedding was postponed for 40
days of mourning, then again celebrated amid "ecstatic volleys of flying
lead."

In another wedding in the region, shots from a wedding severed
high tension electrical wires, the falling wires electrocuted 8 guests and
set parts of the village on fire. As well there have been sevearl injuries
to people not even attending the weddings who happen into the path of a
stray bullet.

Although authorities have promised to crack down, little success is
expected. In the words of a city councillor, "If I do not use my gun when
invited to a wedding, I will be considered a mouse, not a man."

Rambo would be proud.

P.S. along a similar note, although Rambo III has not been pulling in the
North American box office receipts the producers would have liked, they
are reportedly not worried because Rambo movies pull 80% of their gross
from foreign receipts.

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Newsgroups that flopped (Added On: 2011-04-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

alt.sex.lesbian.steel_workers
alt.aviation.kamikazi.pilots
alt.sex.gay.policemen
alt.sex.straight_actors_guild
alt.aviation.hang_gliders.quadraplegic
comp.os.win95.happy_users
alt.military.deutchland.ss.former.hit-squad.members
alt.religion.jewish.oversexed.girls
alt.justice.free.charles.manson
alt.medical.proctologist.talk

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Results of damage testing (Added On: 2011-04-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

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A man is drowning in the sea... (Added On: 2011-03-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man is drowning in the sea.''Help me, Lord,'' he cries.

Just then, a fishing trawler comes by. ''Climb on board'' yells the skipper.

''No, no, no,'' says the drowning man. ''The Lord will save me.''

''OK,we will be on our way, then,'' replies the captain.

Two minutes later a rescue helicopter landed along-side the poor chap, and the pilot threw a rope into the fierce waves. ''I do not need any help,'' cries the breathless man, ''The Lord will come and rescue me.''

Moments later the guy drowns, and finds himself in heaven. On meeting God, the man weeps: ''Lord, I was waiting for you to rescue me from my watery tomb. Why did you not save me?''

God replies:'' You daft sod. I sent you a boat and a bloody helicopter!''

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There are 32 funny Aviation jokes in this category.

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