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Aviation jokes
Stranger than fiction: Flying lawn chair (Added On: 2010-05-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Here's a story, that actually did happen. On July 2nd 1982, Larry Walters, a truck driver from North Hollywood, California, fulfilled a life-long dream. While visiting some friends in San Pedro, Ca., he attached 45 weather balloons and several gallon jugs of water to a lawn chair, tethered it to the ground, and filled the balloons with helium. Then, equipped with a parachute, a large bottle of soda, a hand-held citizen's band radio, and an air pistol, he had his friends cut the tethers. Larry's lawn chair, the "Inspiration I", immediately and unexpectedly shot up to an elevation of 16,000 feet, and then began drifting east, eventually over the Long Beach airport, where he was spotted by two airliner pilots, who reported to the tower "a guy in a lawn chair" drifting by. Larry attempted to land by shooting out some of the balloons with his air pistol, but lost it overboard before he could affect a rapid decent. He then broadcast a mayday on his radio, which was received by a CB club in Orange County. Larry did manage to decend eventually. His balloons and cable became entangled in some power lines, knocking out power in a Long Beach neighborhood for 20 minutes, but he was uninjured, and his chair was left dangling a few feet above the ground. The Long Beach Police did not arrest him, nor did they file any charges, but the Federal Aviation Administration was determined to bring him up on =something=. He eventually paid $1,500 in fines. Naturally, he made the talk show circuit, and quit his job to go on the lecture circuit, too. He also earned first prize from the Bonehead Club of Dallas, Texas, and to this day receives honorable mention on many Darwin Awards lists. And of course, urban legends have a habit of "growing" like any other kind: Later versions of this tale have him drifting into the main approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport, and being rescued mid-air by a helicopter, out over the Pacific Ocean ... Being Finicky, Are You? (Added On: 2010-04-14 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Excerpted from "Masquerade: The Amazing Camouflage Deceptions of World War II", Seymour Reit (Signet, 1980): Another enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield", constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft. The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. And early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb. Pilot Joke (Added On: 2010-03-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Overheard in a restaurant last night: An airline pilot with poor eyesight had managed to pass his periodic vision Well, the pilot proved to be nearly blind as a bat. But the doctor could "Well," says the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you have to do is "I can understand that," replies the doctor. "But what about the take-off?" "Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to "But once you're aloft?" "Oh, everything's fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our "But I still don't see how you land!" "Oh, that's the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport's radio Aaron Endelman The worlds smartest man? (Added On: 2010-02-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane."I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane."I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.""You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack." A Misuse of NASA Technology (Added On: 2009-06-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of thewindshields.British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the pilot's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like a bolt shot from a crossbow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs for the windshield, andbegged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Thaw the chicken.”
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