Bar jokes

There are 66 funny Bar jokes in this category.

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1998 Bumper Stickers (Added On: 2010-03-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
I'm just driving this way to tick you off.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
Hang up and drive.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Received from William Conway.

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Get Your Ire Up (Added On: 2010-02-11 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting off in the corner. To have a little fun, one of them approached him."Did y'know that St. Patrick was a sissy?""Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."The man returned to his friends, complaining that it hadn't worked. The second decided to try."Did y'know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?""Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."The second man returned to his friends, amazed that it hadn't worked. The third man knew he had the solution."Did y'know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?""Oh, no. But that's what y'r friends hae been trying to tell me."

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Sevnty-five Cents (Added On: 2010-02-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots, and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The barender says, "Why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "you'd be drinking fast if you had what I have."

the bartender says, "what do you have?"

The guy says, "Seventy-Five cents."

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Drunken Fools (Added On: 2010-01-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."

1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

2nd Man: "Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:

"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

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SAMWHICH (Added On: 2010-01-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A HAM AND CHEESE SAMWHICH WALKS IN A BAR A GOS UP TO THE BAR TENDER AND ASKS FOR A DRINK AND THE BAR TENDER SAYS SORRY WE DONT SEVIRE FOOD.

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There are 66 funny Bar jokes in this category.

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