Blonde jokes

There are 434 funny Blonde jokes in this category.

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Blonde On A Fence (Added On: 2012-01-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?To see what was on the other side.

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A joke my father always liked... (Added On: 2012-01-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

It seems this fairly successful businessman in his early 30's was
getting lonely for some companionship. He was comfortably well off, lived in
a nice apartment, had refined tastes, but somehow or other he could never find
the perfect companion. Finally, he had an inspiration.

So our friend strolls into a pet shop and explains his problem to the
sympathetic clerk. The clerk thinks for a moment, then says, "I have the
perfect pet for you, sir," disappears into the back of the shop, and emerges
with
a small cardboard box. The gentleman opens the box, but, instead of finding a
dog or a cat, discovers a frog.

"A frog?" he asks disbelievingly.

"Ah," says the salesman, "but not just any frog. I really think you'll
be surprised with this pet. May I suggest you take it home for a trial. If it
does not meet with your satisfaction, feel free to bring it back within a week
for a full refund."

Well, what can he lose, right? He pays the clerk, takes the box under
his arm, and heads home. When he arrives, he sets the box in a corner, takes
the lid off so the frog can breathe, and looks at it for a moment. Nothing
special. So he steps to the bar and mixes himself a martini. Just as he brings
it to his lips, he is startled to hear a voice say,

"Excuse me."

He looks around. There's no one there. He locked the door. He is five
floors up, so there couldn't possibly be anyone outside the windows. He checks
anyway, but there is no one there. Confused, he ponders for a moment, then
shrugs and lifts the drink again. And again,

"Pardon me."

The man glances at the box. The voice seemed to be coming...from the
frog?

"Yes, over here."

Perplexed, he steps to the box. The frog looks up at him.

"I couldn't help noticing that you made yourself an excellent martini,
there."

The man is confused. "You...you talk?"

The frog chuckles. "Oh, of course I talk. But that martini...well, I
just happen to be a very particular martini drinker, and you mixed that one
exactly the way I like mine, not too dry, not too--"

The man recovers his poise. "Would you care for one?"

The frog hops gratefully out of its box. "Why, thank you. Most people
are uncomfortable around frogs, I know, but I can see this is going to be
different."

Well, the two get to talking, and they hit it off marvelously right
away. The frog has the same taste in classical music that the man does, they
both appreciate impressionist paintings, and both of them like to watch weekend
tennis matches. When it comes time for dinner, the man carries the frog
into the kitchen, and it offers suggestions on how to season his game hen,
selects the perfect wine to accompany, and keeps up a steady flow of humourous
conversation throughout the evening. The young man is delighted. The frog
is, indeed, everything the pet store clerk had promised.

Presently the man began to feel tired, so he set the frog gently in
its box and brought it into the bedroom. As he prepared to turn the lights
out the frog discreetly clears its throat.

"I wonder..." it begins tentatively, "I wonder if you would mind
very much..."

"What is it?" the man asks.

"Well," the frog says, "I feel so close to you...I mean, we share so
many interests, we've eaten and drunk together...I just somehow wouldn't feel
right sleeping in a box. Could you...do you think I might possibly just sleep
on the pillow next to you?"

Well, the young man sees nothing wrong with this request, so he lifts
the frog out of its box and sets it on the pillow. He bids it good night,
turns out the lights, and gets into bed. He is just dozing off when he hears
another discreet cough.

"Excuse me," the frog whispers. "I really hate to ask this, and don't
think I mean anything by it, but..." It pauses.

The man sighs. "What do you want?"

The frog shifts about uncomfortably. "Well, it's just that I've grown
accustomed to...that is...you see, I've always been kissed good night, before."

The man shakes his head. "No. I'm sorry, but no matter how unique you
are, you're still a frog."

The frog interrupts. "No, no, nothing like that. Just a quick little
peck on the forehead. Really. It would mean so much to me..."

Well, it sounds so plaintive, and the frog really is such a wonderful
addition to his life, that he decides that this one thing can't possibly hurt
that much. So he screws up his courage (and his eyes), leans over, and kisses
the frog...

<<< POOF!! >>

When the smoke clears, the young man is lying in bed beside a stunningly
beautiful blonde, no more than sixteen years old, stark naked, smiling
blissfully up at him.

"And that, your Honor, is how my client came to be..."

shefter-bret@yale.ARPA

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Corny joke (Added On: 2012-01-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

One day this blonde calls her friend and says, 'Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't even figure out how to start it.'Her friend asks, 'What is it a puzzle of?' The blonde says, 'From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'Well, the friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table. He studies them for a moment, then studies the box.He turns to her and says, 'Well, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.'She asks, 'Oh, how come?'He says, 'Look, never mind, let's just relax, have a cup of coffee and we'll put all these cornflakes back in the box.'

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Orange Juice (Added On: 2012-01-03 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice? A. Beacause it said
"concentrate!"

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Blonde and License Plates (Added On: 2012-01-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.

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There are 434 funny Blonde jokes in this category.

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