Computer jokes

There are 55 funny Computer jokes in this category.

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Programmer And An Engineer (Added On: 2010-03-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other...

A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep.

The Programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains,"I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50! " Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.

Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep.

The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.

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Computer Acronyms (Added On: 2010-02-27 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN It Still Does Nothing

APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI System Can't See It

DOS Defective Operating System

BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM I Blame Microsoft

DEC Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of

Mathematics

COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for)

Fools (&) Teenagers.

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Types of computer viruses (Added On: 2010-02-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

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Computer Problem (Added On: 2010-02-06 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

"Good Afternnoon, Ridge Hall, computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
away."

"Went away?"
"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."

"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
......"Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
the wall."
......"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other cable."
......"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
of your computer."
"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's
dark."

"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."

"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!"

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Types of computer viruses (Added On: 2010-02-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

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There are 55 funny Computer jokes in this category.

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