Computer jokes

There are 115 funny Computer jokes in this category.

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Computer lingo guide (Added On: 2011-07-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Chip - What you munch during a football games

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25 Interesting Things That You Learn About Computers in The Movies... (Added On: 2011-07-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

1. Word processors never display a cursor.2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. See #7, above)11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.13. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.14. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever o

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Types of computer viruses (Added On: 2011-07-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

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If this company ran Christmas... (Added On: 2011-07-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

If the NSA ran Christmas...Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree for reasons of national security.

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People for the Ethical Treatment of Software (Added On: 2011-07-06 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

People for Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS) announced today
that more software companies have been added to the group's "watch list"
of companies that regularly practice software testing. "There is no
need for software to be mistreated in this way so that companies like
these can market new products," said Ken Grandola, spokesperson for
PETS. "Alternative methods of testing these products are available."
According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo
lenghty and arduous tests, often without rest, for hours or days at a
time. Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means
necessary, and inside sources report that they often joke about
"torturing" the software.
"It's no joke," said Grandola. "Innocent programs, from the day
they are compiled, are cooped up in tiny rooms and "crashed" for hours
on end. They spend their whole lives on dirty, ill-maintained
computers, and are unceremoniously deleted when they're not needed any
more." Grandola said the software is kept in unsanitary conditions and
is infested with bugs. "We know that alternatives to this horror
exist," he said, citing industry giant Microsoft Corporation as a
company that has become successful without resorting to software testing.

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There are 115 funny Computer jokes in this category.

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