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Doctor jokes
10 Parenting Laws (Added On: 2010-08-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) 1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.6. If the shoe fits...it's expensive.7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.9. Backing the car out fo the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.10. The more challenging the child, the more rewarding it is to be a parent...sometimes. Clitoris Like Mellon (Added On: 2010-08-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) At a gynecologists convention Dr. Goldfinger began to read his paper on "The Variation of the Clitoris"."One of the most unusual cases I ever came across," he told his audience, "was a clitoris that had a close resemblance to a watermelon."Dr. Goldfinger was interrupted by another doctor, who said that he might have been examining an enlarged organ but to compare it to a watermelon would indeed be frivolous.Goldfinger stared him down and replied: "I wasn't referring to size but to taste." An M.D. In Hell (Added On: 2010-07-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A physician passed away and was being screened for the destination of his soul's eternal afterlife. Unfortunately he'd been a bit of a lout, a quack, and greedy to boot, so he wasn't quite certain what to expect. Upon his arrival at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him and informed the Doctor that he would be allowed to choose from one of the doors before him, but that because of his greed and misdeeds, he may find the choices rather hellish. Upon opening door #1, he witnessed fire and brimstone of truly Biblical proportions, a horrifying sight, and quickly closed it. Upon viewing the spectacle behind door #2, he was even more horrified to observe various tortured souls ravaged by plague, disease, and other maladies too terrible to mention, while an evil guard stood watch. With trepidation he opened door #3 to discover therein groups of white-coated male physicians, being waited on hand and foot by beautiful young women dressed in little more than nursing caps! He rushed excitedly back to Saint Peter and proclaimed, "I'll take door #3!" "Oh, no, I'm afraid that's not possible," exclaimed Saint Peter. "That's NURSES' Hell!" Actual stupid questions asked (Added On: 2010-07-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records.Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."Q: Did he kill you?Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?Q: She had three children, right?A: Yes.Q: How many were boys?A: None.Q: Were there any girls?Were you alone or by yourself?Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?A: That's me.Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?A: Yes.Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?A: By death.Q: And by whose death was it terminated?Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?A: I'll be three months on March 12th.Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?A: Yes.Q: What were you doing at that time?Do you have any children or anything of that kind?Was that the same nose you broke as a child?Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?A: I used to be.Q: How many times have you committed suicide?So, you were gone until you returned?You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?A: Not yet.A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him! Must See Annual Sale (Added On: 2010-07-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colurful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again.As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
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