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Doctor jokes
Difference Between M (Added On: 2011-08-27 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) 1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage. Dentures (adult themes) (Added On: 2011-07-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Two guys were out golfing and one said he was going to Doctor Brown and have a set of dentures made. His golfing buddy commented that he did that same thing two years ago. "How do you like your new teeth... did Doctor Brown do a good job for you?" asked his friend. "Well, I was out golfing the other day and a golfer hooked his drive off the tee on the adjacent hole. That ball must have been going six-hundred miles an hour when it hit me in the testicles... that's the first time in two years that my teeth didn't hurt me!" Lyle's Joke Boutique. Doctor and train accident patient (Added On: 2011-07-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well... The bad news first... Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers. Ode to beer (Added On: 2011-07-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) 'You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.' - Frank Zappa.'Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' - Ernest Hemingway.'Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.' - Winston Churchill.'He was a wise man who invented beer.' - Plato.'Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.' - Catherine Zondonella.'A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.' - W. C. Fields.'Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. 'Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.' - Churchill's reply.'Sir, you're drunk!' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. 'Yes madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.' - Churchill's reply.'If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.' - David Daye.'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.' - Henny Youngman.'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' - Benjamin Franklin.'If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.' - Jack Handy.'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.' - Dave Barry.'The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.' - Humphrey Bogart.'Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.' - David Moulton.'People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.' - Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin.'Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.' - Kaiser Wilhelm.'I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.' - Homer Simpson.'Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.' - Unknown'I drink to make other people interesting.' - George Jean Nathan.'They who drink beer will think beer.' - Washington Irving.'An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.' - Ernest Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls.'You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.' - Dean Martin.'All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.' - Homer Simpson. Second Opinion (Added On: 2011-06-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A Doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. The Doctor, clearly miffed, blurts to his wife, "You aren't so good in bed either!" and stormed off to work.By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home.After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answers the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?""I was in bed.""What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?" "Getting a second opinion."
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