Foul Language jokes

There are 108 funny Foul Language jokes in this category.

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When I was in the military... (Added On: 2010-07-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just
getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some
aftershave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that shit on me! My wife will think
I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife
doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

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Skiing Accident (Added On: 2010-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.

One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.

If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.

Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and a wrong way to set your skies so you don't move. Yup, you got it. She had the skies positioned the wrong way.

Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without any warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out of control racing through the trees, somehow missing all of them, and on to the slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while she continued on backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual sight for the other skiers.

The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the lift, and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was she broke her arm and was unable to pull up the ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, put an end to her nude show, then went to the base of the mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her to a hospital.

In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with a broken leg was put in a bed next to hers.

"So, how'd you break your leg?" She asked, making small talk.

"It was the darndest thing you ever saw," he said "I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backwards out of control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging out. I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't realize how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift."

"So how'd you break your arm?"

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Farting People, which one are you? (Added On: 2010-07-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The Vain PersonOne who loves the smell of his own farts.The Amiable PersonOne who loves the smell of other people's farts.The Proud PersonOne who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.The Shy PersonOne who releases silent farts then blushes.The Imprudent PersonOne who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.The Unfortunate PersonOne who tries hard to fart, but shits instead.The Scientific PersonOne who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.The Nervous PersonOne who stops in the middle of a fart.The Honest PersonOne who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.The Dishonest PersonOne who farts but blames the dog.The Foolish PersonOne who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.The Thrifty PersonOne who always has several farts in reserve.The Anti-Social PersonOne who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.The Strategic PersonOne who conceals his farts with loud coughing.The Sadistic PersonOne who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.The Intelligent PersonOne who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart, precisely the latest food items consumed.

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Whats in a name? (Added On: 2010-06-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Uncle George spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name.

"Carmen," she replied.

That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "What's your name?"

"Beerfuck."

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Retarded Duck Farmer (Added On: 2010-06-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

There was a retarded duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a retarded duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college.

Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A RETARDED DUCK?!?" It sure is he replyed, and its for sale too! She said that she collected retarded ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed.

Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hittin on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesnt have any money, just this retarded duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So they go in the back and have "mad passionate animal sex." When they were done, the lady said she didn't want the duck anymore. He said he would gladly take the duck back if he could fuck her again, so they went at it again. The guy was pretty happy by now so he runs on home, he ran so fast that the duck got away from him and ran out in front of a car and got hit. The duck was clearly dead, so the lady being in the hurry that she was, gave the young man $25 compensation for the dead duck, then she sped off in her car.

When the two finally got home, the father once again called them into a room and said, "How much did you make," looking at his "good" son. The "good" son said $10, with a modest look on his face.

Then the dad glared at his other son and said, "How about you?" The bad son said, "well... I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up duck!"

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There are 108 funny Foul Language jokes in this category.

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