Foul Language jokes

There are 195 funny Foul Language jokes in this category.

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$20 to clean suit (Added On: 2011-09-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Two guys are sitting in a bar getting pretty loaded. Suddenly, one of them blows lunch all over himself."Aw man, my wife is going to kill me when she sees this," he says. His buddy replies, "Don't worry about it. That happened to me before. Here's what you do. Put a $20 bill in your pants pocket. When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk threw up on you and he gave you the twenty to pay for the cleaning, OK?" "All right, I'll try it." So he goes home and his wife immediately starts bitching about his suit. "Now look what you've done to yourself!!" "No, no, honey," he slurs back. "Some drunk guy puked on me, but he gave me this twenty bucks to get my suit cleaned." With that he reaches into his pocket and throws the money on the table. His wife looks at it and says, "I thought that you said he only gave you one $20. How come there are two here?" The man slurs back, "He shit in my pants, too."

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American in England (Added On: 2011-09-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

An elderly English couple, the wife rather deaf, were visiting New York.
They hail a cab and start out on a lengthy journey. It being New York, it
isn't long before the driver starts talking.

Driver: You're limeys, aren't you?
Man: Aye, we are.
Wife: What did he say?
M: He asked if we were English and I said we were.
W: Ah.

D: I was in England, during the war.
M: Oh aye.
W: What did he say?
M: He said he was in England during the war.
W: Ah.

D: I was in Burnley, in Lancashire. You know it?
M: Yes, that's where we come from.
W: What did he say?
M: He said he was in England during the war - near Burnley.
W: Ah.

D: Do you know a patch of woodland just south of Burnley?
M: Aye, I know it.
W: What did he say?
M: He asked if we knew the woods south of Burnley and I said we did.
W: Ah.

D: You know, it was in those woods, during the war, I had the worst
fuck I've ever had in my entire life.
W: What did he say?
M: He says he knows you.

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More Brain Cells Than A Cow (Added On: 2011-09-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

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The newest vitamin (Added On: 2011-09-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup. It makes men cocky and

women lay better.

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Old world advise (Added On: 2011-08-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

This old couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at a dinner sponsored by their family and friends. Just before they were to walk up and take their seats at the head table, the husband pulls his wife aside and tells her; " Its been a wonderful 50 years, you have been a wonderful wife and a wonderful mother to our children. No regrets".

Then she says; "Yes, it has been a wonderful 50 years, you have been a wonderful husband, and a wonderful father to our children, and I only have two regrets".

Whereupon the husband throws up his hands and asks "What, what?".

She replies that "for 50 years, when ever we have had sex, you have always been on top; and the second is that for 50 years you have picked your nose".

The husband says "I can explain, I can explain. When I left the old country, my father took me aside and told me... 'Son, whatever you do, keep your nose clean, and never fuck up'".

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There are 195 funny Foul Language jokes in this category.

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