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General jokes
Childrens View of Love and Marriage (Added On: 2010-09-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) What Exactly Is Marriage? "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, AGE 6 "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out."-Anita, AGE 9 How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry? "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one."-Kelly, AGE 9 "My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."-Carolyn, AGE 8 Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married. "Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."-Carolyn, AGE 8 "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife"-Bert, AGE 5 How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet? "They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values."-Lottie, AGE 9 "My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind."-Jeremy, AGE 8 What Do Most People Do on a Date? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."-Martin, AGE 10 "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love."-Craig, AGE 9 When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding."-Allan, AGE 10 "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing Beer Translations Basics (Added On: 2010-09-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) 1. "You get this round and the next round is on me."I'll be leaving before the next round.2. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you."Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50.3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?"I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female)I'm easy.5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male)I'm gay.6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female)I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male)If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female)You are paying more attention to your friends than me.9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male)I'm horny.10. "Who's got the next round?"I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention. Father - Son (Added On: 2010-09-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) One morning a son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. The father said, "Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire. But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand. The father thought, "I guess he knows what he's doing". The next morning the son got up with some duck tape. The father said, "Son, where you going?". The son replied, "I'm going to catch some ducks". The father yelled, "YOU CAN'T CATCH DUCKS WITH DUCK TAPE." The son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day the son came home with two ducks under each arm. The father thought, "Damn, I guess he does know what he's doing!" The next morning the son got up with a hand full of pussywillows. The father said, "hold up son, let me put on my shoes.!!" Buns and Puns! (Added On: 2010-09-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route. At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, "What's your name?" "Patty" she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus. On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him "Special Ross." Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons. Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty. On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking... "Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!" A doctor and his wife (Added On: 2010-09-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion."
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