General jokes

There are 2816 funny General jokes in this category.

Prev 5 | Next 5

Liquor bottle warning (Added On: 2012-02-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Did you hear the Surgeon General's latest product advisory? Liquor bottles will carry the phrase, "Warning: alcohol can make members of the opposite sex appear for more attractive than they actually are."

---

A Drunken Leprechaun (Added On: 2012-02-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A drunk leprechaun was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

"Please God", he implored, "let it be blood!"

---

Change In Fashion (Added On: 2012-02-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob sheepishly.

"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in our bed!"

---

Annals of legal etiquette (Added On: 2012-02-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

My wife received a copy of the following at her law firm. It purports to be
true. For those of you who don't know, a "deposition" is a transcript of
pre-trial testimony. These transcripts tend to be thick documents.

To: all attorneys
Subject: Depositions and Their Use

A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed
with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on
Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although
the use of a deposition of a party opponent "for any purpose" is also in the
federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this
exchange:

The Court: Next witness.

Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the
head with his client's deposition.

The Court: You mean read it?

Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to
Rule 32, I may use the deposition "for any purpose" and that is the purpose
for which I want to use it.

The Court: Well, it does say that.

(Pause.)

The Court: There being no objection, you may proceed.

Ms. Olschner: Thank you, Judge Hanes.

(Whereupon Ms. Olschner swatted Mr. Buck in the head with a deposition.)

Mr. Buck: But Judge...

The Court: Next witness.

Mr. Buck: We object.

The Court: Sustained. Next witness.

End transcript.

---

Stuttering Problem (Added On: 2012-02-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

One day, a guy with a horrible stuttering problem went to his doctor.
"D-d-d-docter, is t-t-t-there anything t-t-that you c-c-c-can do for my stuttering?"

"Hop on to the table, and I'll give you an exam."

After the physical was over, the doctor told his patient that he thought he knew what the cause of his problem was.

"It seems that your penis is too long. There is a simple surgery that can be done to correct it, but your sex life might be greatly affected."

"I d-d-d-don't c-c-c-care. I'll d-d-d-do anyt-t-thing it t-t-takes."

So the man went in for surgery, and it was sucessful. He came back into the doctor's office a couple of weeks later.

"Doctor, I don't stutter anymore, but my girlfriend's really mad at me. Do you think that there's any way to get it reattached?"

"I d-d-d-don't t-t-t-think s-s-s-so"

---

There are 2816 funny General jokes in this category.

Prev 5 | Next 5