Golf jokes

There are 39 funny Golf jokes in this category.

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Bedroom golf (Added On: 2012-01-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

[This was posted on a bulletin board in a dorm at UNL. I don't know who
wrote it, sorry.]

The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.

Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may begin.

Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club
into the hole while keeping the balls out.

For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
The course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before
allowing play to commence.

Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length,
so as to avoid damage to the course.

The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible,
until the course owner is satisfied.

Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by
the course owner.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will admire the
course, paying special attention to the well-formed bunkers.

Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played
recently to the owner of the course presently being played.

If the course to be played is temporarily under repair, player is
advised to find alternate means of play.

It is considered outstanding form to play the hole several times
in one match.

Course owner shall be the judge of who is the best player.

It is considered bad form to reveal your score to other players,
or even that you have played the course.

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Really lowsy golfer (Added On: 2011-12-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

An inept golfer once drove his tee shot onto an anthill. After many swings, he demolished the anthill but still had not hit the ball.

At this point, one of the two ants still alive turned to the other and said, "If we are going to stay alive, we had better get on the ball!"

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Fast Golfer (Added On: 2011-12-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.

Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

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Golf Lessons (Added On: 2011-12-04 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A lady goes for her first golf lesson.
The pro says, "You've got to hold the club like you hold your husband's organ."

She takes the club and hits the ball.

He says, "Beautiful. Perfect shot. Right down the fairway. Now, take the club out of your mouth, put it in your hands, and we'll go for distance."

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Golfer visits a brothel (Added On: 2011-10-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Victor, after a long, hard days work, decides he needs some relaxation, so he goes to his local brothel. He enters and finds the Madame. As it's the busiest time of the day, there is only one girl left, who is Chinese and doesn't know a word of English. "I'll take her," He says desperately, as he is also in a hurry. So they proceed upstairs and get down to business. As Victor is going full whack the girl begins to shout out, "Sung wa! Sung wa!" To which Victor assumes that this means, great, fantastic, etc, so he continues unperturbed. The following day he is at a golf meeting with a wealthy, prospective Chinese client, and is trying to impress him in any way he can. Just then the client T's off and gets a hole in one. This gives Victor the opportunity to use his newly found Chinese phrase... "Sung wa! Sung wa!" He yells out. To which the client replies, "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"

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There are 39 funny Golf jokes in this category.

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