Holiday jokes

There are 54 funny Holiday jokes in this category.

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I want Barbie and GI Joe for Christmas (Added On: 2010-03-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A little girl was asked by her mother what she wants for Christmas.

"Barbie and GI Joe," she said.

"But darling," the mother said, "Barbie doesn't come with GI Joe, Barbie comes with Ken."

"No mommy," the little girl replied, "Barbie comes with GI Joe, she only fakes with Ken."

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Senator Teddy (Added On: 2010-03-04 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

"Teddy, the red nosed senator,
Had a very shiny car.
And if you've ever seen it,
You were prob'ly near a bar.

All of the other Senators,
Wondered how he get his dames.
They thought he was to drunk,
To join in any bedroom games.

Then one clouded Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
'Teddy with your nose so red,
'Won't you help me guide my sled.'

That's how the police found him,
Wrapped around a maple tree.
Teddy, the red nosed Senator,
You're a drunken S.O.B.!"

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12 Days of Christmas (Added On: 2010-02-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Sung to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas"
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 a Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 pack of Redman
6 cans of spam
5 FLANNEL SHIRTS....
4 big mo tires
3 shotgun shells
2 hunting dogs
and parts to a Mustang GT...

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Redneck Baseball (Added On: 2010-02-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

You might be a redneck if it takes two twinkies, a beer and your sister to get to second base.

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The perfect man and woman (Added On: 2010-02-03 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

"Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.

After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.

Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor?

(Scroll down for the answer.)

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The perfect woman survived.

She's the only one who really existed in the first place.

Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

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***** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke! *****

***** Men keep scrolling. *****

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So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: "women never listen either."

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There are 54 funny Holiday jokes in this category.

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