Jewish jokes

There are 26 funny Jewish jokes in this category.

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New performance (Added On: 2010-02-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Moshe had a happy marriage for 25 years.

For the 25th aniversary they have decided to go to the same place they had their first sex and do it like they did it the first time.

So, they went to the same forest next to the city and found the same hidden place they had sex 25 years ago.

After all the action was over Moshe said:

- Listen,dear, we 've had sex with you for 25 years but such a performance like today you have never done before. Such good movement, so nice twisting.........

- Oh - the wife said - if you had on your bottom the nettles I had today you'd twist too!

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The Wedding Ceremony (Added On: 2010-02-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

When you go to a wedding ceremony, how can you tell at which congregation it is being held?

If it is a Chassid, the mother-in-law is pregnant

If it is Conservative, the bride is pregnant

If it is Liberal, the Rabbi is pregnant.

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Buzz Off (Added On: 2010-01-31 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

One day, two bees are buzzing around what's left of a rose bush.

"How's your summer been?" asks bee number one.

"Not too good," says bee two. "Lotta rain, lotta cold. There aren't

enough flowers, therefore not enough pollen."

The first bee has an idea. "Hey, why don't you go down to the corner and

hang a left? There's a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and

fruit."

Bee two buzzes, "Thanks!" and takes off. An hour later, the bees bump into

each other again.

"How was the bar mitzvah?" asks the first bee.

"Great!" replies the second.

The first bee, however, notices a small circle on his friend's head, and

inquires, "What's that on your head?"

"A yarmulke," is the answer. "I didn't want them to think I was a Wasp."

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difference (Added On: 2010-01-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

what is the difference between a jewish mother and a vulture?

a vulture waits till your dead before it eats your heart out.

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Chinese Jews? (Added On: 2010-01-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A Jewish man went to eat at a Chinese restaurant and started to wonder if there were any Chinese Jews.

So, when the waiter came over to take his order, he asked, "Pardon me, but I'd like to know if there are any Chinese Jews?"

The waiter said, "I don't know. I will go to the kitchen and ask manager."

After taking his order, the waiter went to the

kitchen and returned in a few minutes.

He explained to the man, "No. No Chinese Jews. We have orange Jews, tomato Jews, grape Jews, and pineapple Jews, but no Chinese Jews."

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There are 26 funny Jewish jokes in this category.

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