Lawyer jokes

There are 94 funny Lawyer jokes in this category.

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A Lawyer and innkeepers daughter (Added On: 2012-01-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he`d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper`s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

"Helen, why didn`t you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin` and talkin` and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

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Ounces of brain for sale (Added On: 2012-01-11 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains."How much does it cost for engineer brain?""Three dollars an ounce.""How much does it cost for programmer brain?""Four dollars an ounce.""How much for lawyer brain?""$1,000 an ounce.""Why is lawyer brain so much more?""Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

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Why Should I not get (Added On: 2012-01-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?"She said that it didn't. The doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."The woman was mystified. She asked "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"The doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

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747 Full of Lawyers (Added On: 2011-12-31 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

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Short Lawyer Jokes V (Added On: 2011-12-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.

Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetery.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

Q: What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
A: His personality.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

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There are 94 funny Lawyer jokes in this category.

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