Lawyer jokes
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There are 94 funny Lawyer jokes in this category. |
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Movie synopsis (Added On: 2011-09-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Football Players in the Mist (1990, PG) Robert Redford plays a man who learns to live among a group of college
athletes in their natural locker-room habitat and to converse with them
in their own primitive language. He struggles desperately to keep
these intelligent creatures from being hunted to extinction by NCAA
academic requirements, until his own career is tragically ended by
predatory lawyers in a recruitment scandal.
(My mom is responsible for the basic idea.)
Virgin wife (Added On: 2011-08-31 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride says, "Now honey, you'll be gentle with me won't you. You know that I'm still a virgin."This clearly surprises the man, "What are you saying. Aren't I your third husband?"The woman replied, "Yes, but my first husband was a psychologist and all he liked to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he liked to do was look at it. Since you're a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get screwed!"
List of Short Books (Added On: 2011-08-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
1) A Guide to Arab Democracies 2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman 3) Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean 4) Career Opportunities for History Majors 5) Contraception by Pope John Paul II 6) Detroit - A Travel Guide 7) Different Ways to Spell "Bob" 8) Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches 9) Easy UNIX 10) Bulgarian Tips on World Dominance 11) Everything Men Know About Women 12) French Hospitality 13) Bob Dole: The Wild Years 14) How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel 15) Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette 17) Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA 18) Popular Lawyers 19) Staple Your Way to Success 20) The Amish Phone Book
How do they do it? (Added On: 2011-08-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Anthropologists do it with culture.
Archeologists do it with mummies.
Architects do it late.
Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl.
Bayseians probably do it.
Boy Scouts do it in the woods.
C++ programmers do it with class.
C++ programmers do it with private members and public objects.
Carpenters do it tongue in groove.
Chemists do it in the fume hood.
Chemists do it in test tubes.
Chess players mate better.
City Planners do it with their eyes shut.
Computer Operators do it upon mount requests.
Deprogrammers do it with sects.
Economists do it with indifference.
Electricians do it until it Hertz!
Engineers do it with precision.
Entomologists do it with insects.
Evangelists do it with Him watching.
Firemen do it wearing rubber.
Firemen do it with a big hose.
Firemen find `em hot, and leave `em wet!
Gyneacologists mostly sniff, watch and finger.
Hypertrichologists do it with intensity.
Lawyers do it in their briefs.
Lawyers do it with extensions in their briefs
Lisp programmers have to stop and collect garbage.
Magicians do it with mirrors.
Mathematicians do it in theory.
Metallurgists are screw'n'edge.
Moonies do it within sects.
Multitaskers do it Everywhere: Concurrently!
Nuns do it out of habit.
Philosophers think about doing it.
Photographers do it in the dark.
Physicists do it at two places in the universe at one time.
Physicists do it like Einstein.
Physicists do it with charm.
Physicists do it with large expensive machinery.
Physicists do it with the help of an absolute Bohr (ouch!).
Politicians do it with everyone.
Popes do it in the woods.
Programmers do it all night.
Quantum mechanics do it in leaps.
RISC assembly programmers do it 1073741824 times a second.
Scuba divers do it deeper.
Shakespearean scholars do it... or don't do it, that is the question....
Smalltalk programmers have more methods.
Sociologists do it with class.
Statisticians do it with 95% confidence.
Statisticians probably do it.
Systems programmers keep it up longer.
Typographers do it with tight kerning.
Usenet freaks do it with hard drives!
Vicars do it with amazing grace.
Catfish and Lawyers (Added On: 2011-08-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger, the other is just a fish.
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There are 94 funny Lawyer jokes in this category. |
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