Lawyer jokes

There are 106 funny Lawyer jokes in this category.

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Beautiful? (Added On: 2011-10-11 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”

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Orange (Added On: 2011-09-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

One day in Contract Law class, a Professor asked one of his better students, "Now, if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" the Professor instructed. The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

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Movie synopsis (Added On: 2011-09-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Football Players in the Mist (1990, PG)

Robert Redford plays a man who learns to live among a group of college
athletes in their natural locker-room habitat and to converse with them
in their own primitive language. He struggles desperately to keep
these intelligent creatures from being hunted to extinction by NCAA
academic requirements, until his own career is tragically ended by
predatory lawyers in a recruitment scandal.

(My mom is responsible for the basic idea.)

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Virgin wife (Added On: 2011-08-31 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride says, "Now honey, you'll be gentle with me won't you. You know that I'm still a virgin."This clearly surprises the man, "What are you saying. Aren't I your third husband?"The woman replied, "Yes, but my first husband was a psychologist and all he liked to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he liked to do was look at it. Since you're a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get screwed!"

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List of Short Books (Added On: 2011-08-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

1) A Guide to Arab Democracies 2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman 3) Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean 4) Career Opportunities for History Majors 5) Contraception by Pope John Paul II 6) Detroit - A Travel Guide 7) Different Ways to Spell "Bob" 8) Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches 9) Easy UNIX 10) Bulgarian Tips on World Dominance 11) Everything Men Know About Women 12) French Hospitality 13) Bob Dole: The Wild Years 14) How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel 15) Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette 17) Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA 18) Popular Lawyers 19) Staple Your Way to Success 20) The Amish Phone Book

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There are 106 funny Lawyer jokes in this category.

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