Military jokes

There are 34 funny Military jokes in this category.

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Jeep is Stuck (Added On: 2012-02-03 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside."Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

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When morons write to Abby (Added On: 2012-01-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

DEAR ABBY: I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

DEAR ABBY: I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

DEAR ABBY: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home, turn against his own religion?

DEAR ABBY: I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?

DEAR ABBY: My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $80 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to Bill for three years and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

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Having a Baby (Added On: 2011-11-30 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

My father, an Army major, was conducting a field test whencommunications went dead. Immediately, he jumped into ajeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the commandstation.When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheeredtheir arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forwardand shook my father's hand."Don't congratulate me, sir," my father said modestly as hepointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant."Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a babygirl."

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Recruiting any and all pilots (Added On: 2011-10-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?" The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!" The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?" The young man says, "I chop wood!" "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?" "I chop wood!" "Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!" "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!" "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!" The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

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Sex Related Medical Facts (adult) (Added On: 2011-06-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

It takes 116 muscles to climax, but only 17 to smile.
Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.
The greater the orgasm, the deeper the sleep. Multiple orgasms (20 or more per hour) can induce a coma and near-fusion with the mattress.
Eat and drink sensibly. The combination of alcohol and sex, especially after long abstinence, can cause spontaneous fizzle.
Improved breath control increases oxygen supply throughout entire body, prevents asphyxiation during mighty kisses, trims and tones pelvis, promotes a stronger upper body enabling you to hold on tight and keep partner from damaging furniture during moments of ecstasy.
Better coordination prevents confusion during intricate manipulations, permitting you to talk and perform at the same time.
A single ejaculation, especially from a man, contains enough sperm cells to fertilize every woman in the United States Marine Corps.
Oral sex is a great way to firm the lower face.
After 16 steady hours of sex, it is wise to check your insurance policy.
"Where am I?" should not be considered an abnormal response to immense orgasm.
Men who experience difficulty with insertion should see a guidance counselor.
Too much arousal can bring on a hard-attack.
It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach, especially if it belongs to your partner.
You know that you've had too much sex when your life begins to flash before your eyes.
I've had too little sex when my partner begins to flash before my eyes.
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and in demand.
Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight.
Thirty percent of our body heat escapes through the head (wear a hat during sex).
Sex on an inclined surface(an ant hill, for example) builds endurance.
The length of an orgasm is usually anywhere from three to eleven seconds or four to seven feet.
Sexual survival depends on knowing the difference between a birthmark and a rash.
To prevent bedsores, oil the sheets.
Maintenance tip for massages: change the oil every 10,000 strokes.

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There are 34 funny Military jokes in this category.

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