Military jokes

There are 19 funny Military jokes in this category.

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Navy Joke (off. to British) (Added On: 2010-06-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The British Navy was sailing along when the First Mate ran up to the Admiral.

He said "Sir, their are eight Spanish ships heading for us."

The Admiral told the First Mate to go get his red dress suit for him. The First Mate asked "Why?".

The Admiral said "So if I get shot, the men won't see the blood and will keep on fighting."

The First Mate ran off to get the suit but came back quickly.

"Sir, there are another eighty Spanish ships running us down from the opposite direction!"

The Admiral exclaimed, "Run and fetch me my brown pants, quickly!"

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Dont mess with Texas (Added On: 2010-06-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten taliban".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred taliban".

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand taliban".

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them."

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Blonde inventions (Added On: 2010-06-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Mechanical Pencil sharpeners
Powdered water
Pedal-powered wheel chairs
Waterproof tea bags
The helicopter ejector seat

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.-- Groucho Marx

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Planet of the Apes: Secrets Revealed (Added On: 2010-06-03 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that humans are not only "as innovative as they are cruel," but pretty vain as well.* Wahlberg's neglect in removing his shirt through the entire film reveals his kinship with the teen demographic: BACKNE SUFFERERS.* Fox Marketing Department determined that the ideal garment for a young ape's human pet is a peach-colored dress.* All inflamed baboon buttocks in the film were edited out.* Most extras were actually disgruntled gorillas out of work since the movie "Congo." * Kris Kristofferson's surly acting style is a result of the neverending pain of "Millenium"s failure at the box office. * The imagery of the Ape armys red tents taken straight from biblical writings dealing with how women were separated from the tribe during their periods. (Charlton Hestons idea.)* Helena Bonham Carter's clothing came under-budget through some seamstress' creativity and Rue McClanahan's wardrobe. Her wildly trendy haircut however, accounted for %15 of the films budget.* According to ape acting union, the "Ape" Lincoln Memorial had to be scrubbed down with monkey feces in order to get rid of foul human odor. Submitted by: David J. Bleecker E-mail: DBLEEKER@nyc.rr.com

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Radio Conversation (Added On: 2010-05-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a U.S. naval
ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a
collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert
your course."

Canadians: "No. I say again, you divert your course."

Americans: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship
in the United States' Atlantic Fleet! We are accompanied by three destroyers,
three cruisers and numerous support vessels! I demand that you change your
course 15 degrees North, that's one-five degrees North, or counter-measures will
be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship!"

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

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There are 19 funny Military jokes in this category.

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