Military jokes

There are 20 funny Military jokes in this category.

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Farmboy in the army (Added On: 2009-09-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life.

"It's pretty good Dad. The food's not bad, the work's easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning."

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Military might (explicit language) (Added On: 2009-09-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The heads of the four branches of the armed (US) military were standing around one day talking about which service had the biggest balls. After a lengthy debate, the four came to the conclusion demonstrations would have to be used to decide which was the best of the services.

First they went to an Army base. The Army general went up to a young soldier and to him to run through the firing range.

With a quick, "Yes, sir!" the private took off. Not five steps into his mission, he was hit several times and killed.

The Army general turned to the other three and said, "Now THAT takes balls."

Next they arrived at an air base where the Air Force general ordered a young airman to dive out of a plane at 10,000 feet, without a parachute.

The airman said, "Yes sir." and off he went. When at the required altitude, the airman hurled himself from the plane. He hit the ground with a nauseating squish.

The Air Force general turned to the other three and said, "Now THAT takes balls."

The next stop was a Marine base. The Marine general ordered the first Marine he found to lay down in front of an oncoming tank.

The Marine barked, "Yes Sir!" and ran out on the field. The tank roared over the poor Marine leaving very little to bury.

The Marine general turned to the other three and said, "Now THAT takes balls."

Finally they went to the coast to a naval base. The Navy Admiral walks up to one of the carriers docked at the pier and yells up to a young deck seaman.

"Sailor, I want you to jump off that carrier down to the pier where I'm standing."

The Sailor looks down at the admiral and said, "Pardon me sir?"

The admiral replied, "I want you to jump off that ship on to the pier."

The Sailor looks down at the seven stories to the pier, turns back to the admiral and says, "FUCK YOU SIR!"

The admiral turns to the other three with a grin from ear to ear and says, "Now THAT takes Balls!"

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They want you, they want you, they want you as a new recruit. (Added On: 2009-06-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Do you know why the new [ethnic] navy is buying glass-bottomed boats for their
new fleet?

So they can see the old [ethnic] navy.

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Sailors and Soldiers Should Be Friends! (Added On: 2009-06-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions on a curvy mountain road. The army man hits a patch of sand, swerves, and nails the Navy man's truck. They both exit their cars with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined.Now, the rivalry between Army and Navy is well known, so needless to say a heated argument followed. Then suddenly the Navy man changed heart and said, "Hold on, this is dumb. It was an accident. Let's put this rivalry behind us." The army man agreed this was a good idea. So the navy man offered, "Why don't we celebrate our new friendship over a fifth of vodka? I have a bottle in the truck." The army man thought this was an excellent idea. So the navy man, being a gentleman, offered the army man the first drink, and told the army man to drink as much as he wanted. Soon half the bottle was gone and he offered the bottle back to the navy man who said, "Thanks, but I'll wait till after the cops get here!"

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Permission to initial, sir? (Added On: 2009-06-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a
temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence
unit. One day a long memo came around with a cover sheet instructing all
assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance.
I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed, BUT a few days later, it
came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read: "You are not
permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee.
Please erase your initials and initial your erasure."

I did.

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There are 20 funny Military jokes in this category.

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