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Naughty jokes
Superman is bored fighting crime (Added On: 2010-02-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Superman is bored fighting crime everyday. So one Friday night he decides to go out in the town to have some fun. He drops by Batman's house. "Hey Batman", he says "Wanna' go out tonight?" No I can't", replies Batman. "The Batmobile is broken and I gotta' stay home and fix it, or else I won't be able to fight crime". "You loser," says Superman and flies away. He decides to stop by Spiderman's house. "Hey, Spidy, how about hitting the town tonight, you and me," he says. "I'd love to, but I can't", replies Spiderman. "My web is broken and I gotta' fix it to fight crime". Superman, all disgusted says "You loser. Stay home on a Friday night and fix your damn web". So he flies away. While flying from up above he spots Wonder Woman stark naked and lying down on her back spread-eagle. Superman thinks, "Hey, I am Superman, I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quicky and fly back out and she won't even feel it." Superman flies down, does a quick in-out-in-out and flies back out at the speed of light. Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?" The Invisible man says, "I don't know but my ass is killing me!" Your web page is more (Added On: 2010-02-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Your web page is more popular than you.Your favorite sport is Tetris.You know what fuzzy logic is.You talk to your computer.When given a choice, you look at Computer Shopper instead of Playboy.You argue with your computer.Your computer has its own phone line.You have dreams involving your computer.You try to pick up women on chat lines.You can talk to a woman about your hardware and not mean anything sexual.You spend Friday nights with your computer.You ask a woman for her email address instead of her phone number.You've never actually met many of your friends.You remember how to use DOS.You think Bill Gates is "a cool guy."Only computer users can understand you.Your home page is longer than your resume.You've ever installed Linux.You've missed the X-Files because you wanted to play on your computer.You always understand Dilbert.You regularly drink Jolt cola.You spend more time on the Internet than you do sleeping.You have multiple email addresses.You've ever setup a LAN in your house.You understood the above statement.You search the Internet for computer humor.Your idea of hurrying is typing faster.You keep spare mouse pads.You buy your computer gifts.You've ever been dumped for paying too much attention to your computer.Someone mentions foreign language and you think "Cobol".You regularly use a tape backup on files you have the original disks for.You get a new computer, take it out of the box, and you immediately remove the case.You have ever called home to check on your computer.You do processes in DOS instead of Windows not because it is faster, but because it just confuses people.You've ever considered getting a tattoo of the "Intel Inside" logo.You have a pet name for your computer, but not one for your penis.You know every law about computer piracy by heart, because you've been convicted on all of them.You no longer interact with your family, you send them email instead; in the F.A.Q. About Men (part 2) (Added On: 2010-01-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Q. Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?A. Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up when you finally get tired of looking at it.Q. What's with all the belching and farting?A. This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.Q. Why do men hate shopping?A. Going shopping simply makes no sense of any kind to men. This is comparable to going from restaurant to restaurant, looking at all the food, putting some in your mouth, but never actually swallowing (I won't even comment on the subject of women and swallowing).Q. How can men be so inconsiderate?A. Frankly, I'm hurt that you can even say such a thing. Lets take sex for instance. If a man lasts more than five minutes with you, he's thinking of nothing but you. To a man, an orgasm is an orgasm, whether achieved after five minutes or an hour of intercourse. Remember that the next time you have sex. We do it all, and we do it for you.Q. Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?A. Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the peeing frequency over the sitting frequency. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. After all, we aim to please.Q. Why do most men hate fuzzy toilet seat covers?A. Who wants to pee in front of a guillotine, much less a pink fuzzy one? All the extra fuzz makes it impossible for the toilet seat to stay up properly. You either have to be talented enough Womens English (Added On: 2009-12-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) "Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe" = No "I'm sorry." = You'll be sorry "We need" = I want "It's your decision" = The correctdecision should be obvious by now. "Do what you want" = You'llpay for this later. "We need to talk" = I needto complain. "Sure... go ahead" = I don'twant you to. "I'm not upset" = Of courseI'm upset, you moron! "You're ... so manly" = Youneed a shave and you sweat a lot. "You're certainly attentivetonight" = Is sex all you ever think about? "Be romantic, turn out the lights"= I have flabby thighs. "This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house. "I want new curtains" = andcarpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... "Hang the picture there" = NO, Imean hang it there! "I heard a noise" = Inoticed you were almost asleep. "Do you love me?" = I'mgoing to ask for something expensive. "How much do you love me?" =I did something today you're really not going to like. "I'll be ready in a minute." = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. "Is my butt fat?" = Tell meI'm beautiful. "You have to learn tocommunicate." = Just agree with me. "Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.] "Was that the baby?" = Why don'tyou get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. "I'm not yelling!" = Yes Iam yelling because I think this is important. Pink Parts (Added On: 2009-12-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying. "Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in all their frog games. Boo hoo." "Don't cry, little one.", replied the witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now, the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn't do, but if he saw the wizard, he'd fix things up for him. So happily, the little green frog hippity-hopped along his merry way. Feeling quite pleased with herself, the witch once more took to the skies, and once again, she heard some crying, but this time of a thunderous sort. So down to the ground she flew only to discover a pink elephant. The witch asked him why he was crying. "Sniff. None of the other elephants will let me join in all their elephant games. Boo hoo." Now if you have ever seen an elephant cry, you know it to be a pathetic looking sight, but a PINK elephant crying is just downright heart-breaking, and that is just how the witch felt. So once again, she waved her magic wand, and *POOF*, the elephant was all grey. All happy now, the elephant was checking himself all over when he noticed that his penis was still pink. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn't do, but if saw the wizard, he would fix things up for him. At this point, the elephant just started wailing. "I don't know where the wizard is", he sobbed. "Oh that's easy. Just follow the yellow pricked toad", said the good witch.
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