Office jokes

There are 11 funny Office jokes in this category.

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An old occupation (Added On: 2012-01-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.- Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

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Stock market report (Added On: 2012-01-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Today's Stock Market Report: Helium was up, feathers were down.Paper was stationary.Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.Knives were up sharply.Cows steered into a bull market.Pencils lost a few points.Hiking equipment was trailing.Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.Weights were up in heavy trading.Light switches were off.Mining equipment hit rock bottom.Diapers remained unchanged.Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.The market for raisins dried up.Coca Cola fizzled.Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.Sun peaked at midday.Balloon prices were inflated.Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

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Sleeping on the job (Added On: 2011-08-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend. 8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress." 7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

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Evaluating employees (Added On: 2011-07-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

RE: Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations: "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there." "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." "This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better." "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

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Pay for your past bills (Added On: 2010-12-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

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There are 11 funny Office jokes in this category.

Prev 5 | Next 5