Political jokes
|
There are 200 funny Political jokes in this category. |
Prev 5 | Next 5 |
The President Must Go (Added On: 2012-01-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in
front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Go" written
in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and
yells, "Somebody wrote a threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they
wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he
did it! Where were you guys?!" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly
at the floor. Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and
find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!" The
entire staff immediately jumps up and races for the exits.
Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well
Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do
you want first?"
Clinton says, "Oh hell, give me the bad news first."
The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The
results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."
Clinton says, "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own Vice President!
Damn....Well, what's the really bad news?"
The officer replies, "Well sir, it's Hillary's handwriting."
What is Bills definition of (Added On: 2012-01-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town.
How to be a good Democrat (Added On: 2011-12-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat, than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
Someone asked Clinton if he (Added On: 2011-12-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Someone asked Clinton if he was heading to Arkansas after this is over.
He replied that he intended to stay in D.C., and poke around for awhile.
Letterman List - Top ten signs its too damn cold (Added On: 2011-12-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
- Youngsters trading in handguns for Isotoner Gloves
- Dan Rather doing news fron Connie's lap
- Only 300 people left alive on east coast
- It's actually nice when a guy rubs up against you on the subway
- Times Square hookers charge $20 just to blow on your hands
- Last night, for a full twenty seconds, Bea Arthur stopped sweating
- Portions of Al Sharpton have been closed
- President Clinton chipped a tooth on a french fry
- Andrew Giuliani restricted to annoying people indoors
- Trump's using a de-icer on Marla
|
There are 200 funny Political jokes in this category. |
Prev 5 | Next 5
|