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Religious jokes
Im Done For (Added On: 2010-07-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, "I'm done for." There is a ray of light from the sky and a voice booms out: "No you're NOT! Pick up that stone in front of you and hit the chief on the head!" So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to kill the chief. He is breathing heavily while standing above the lifeless body. Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces. The voice booms out again: "Okay... NOW you're done for!" Whats an atheists favorite Christmas (Added On: 2010-07-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? "Coincidence on 34th Street" Heavens Different (Added On: 2010-06-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him." Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase St. Peter says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through." St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!" Priest and Rabbi (Added On: 2010-06-27 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) (Heard this one from a minister at a pre-wedding party:) A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He A Tale of a Cat and some Mice (Added On: 2010-06-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) One day a cat died of natural causes and went to heaven. There he met the Lord Himself. The Lord said to the cat, "You have lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable please let me know." The cat thought for a moment and said, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stopped the cat and said, "Say no more" and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appeared. A few days later six mice were killed in a tragic farming accident and went to heaven. Again there was the Lord to greet them with the same offer. The mice answered, "Lord, all of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" Instantly the Lord fitted each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates. About a week later, the Lord stopped by to see the cat and found him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently woke the cat and asked, "How are things for you since coming to heaven?" The cat stretched, yawned, and replied, "Lord, it is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. Especially those meals on wheels you've been sending by -- they are the best!!!"
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