Religious jokes

There are 101 funny Religious jokes in this category.

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Multiple Os (Added On: 2011-09-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

When God was creating the human race, he lined up all the males on one side and all the females opposite. Then he asked, "Which of your species would like to urinate standing up?"Well, the males went crazy, shouting that they wanted to pee standing up."Fine", says God, "Women get multiple orgasms"

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Back to Earth (Added On: 2011-09-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A Bengali, Marwari and Gujrati get into a carwreck. Upon arrival at the heaven Gates, Chitragupt informs them that it is not their time, they were not supposed to die yet.
He offers them a deal, 'You give me 20 Rs, and I'll let you go back down and live the rest of your lives out.'
The Bengali says, 'Fair enough,' and hands Chitragupt twenty. Back on earth at the accident scene, he sits bolt upright, shocking the paramedics that had just pronounced him dead. They all gather around to ask him what happened.
'Well, it wasn't my time, so I paid 20 bucks and he let me come back from the dead.' Noticing the other victims remained lifeless, the paramedics ask why they didn't also take chitragupt up on his offer.
The Bengali rolls his eyes and says, 'Oh, the Marwari is trying to talk him down to Rs 12.50, and the Gujju is waiting for the Government to pay for it.'

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The Mother Superior in the (Added On: 2011-08-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her
young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they
grew up.
A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."
The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived
her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What did you say?"
The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute."
"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet Jesus!
And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

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Winning Lotto (Added On: 2011-08-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray"God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.Jacob goes back to the synagogue."God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!Back to the synagogue."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself:"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET

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Aussie cricket fan (Added On: 2011-07-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

An Australian cricket fan dies on match day (probably from drinking too much) and goes to heaven in his Australian cricket shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks Saint Peter.'Hello mate,' the Aussie says.'No Australian cricket fans in heaven,' replies Saint Peter.'What?' exclaims the man, astonished.'You heard, no Australian cricket fans.''But, but, but, I've been a good man,' replies the Aussie.'Oh really,' says Saint Peter. 'What have you done then?''Well, three weeks before I died I gave $10 to the starving children in Africa.''Oh,' says Saint Peter, 'anything else?''Well, two weeks before I died I also gave $10 to the homeless.''Hmmm, anything else?''Yeah. A week before I died I gave $10 to the Albanian orphans.''OK,' said Saint Peter, 'you wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss.'Ten minutes pass before Saint Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, 'I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $30 back, now f*** off.'

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There are 101 funny Religious jokes in this category.

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