Sports jokes

There are 6 funny Sports jokes in this category.

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Mixed football jokes (Added On: 2010-06-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet. The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!" Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning."Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!""The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George."Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir." Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus. Big Ron was caught speeding on his way to the City Ground today."I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned. The Nottingham Forest Chairman is considering replacing Big Ron with Steve Davis. Explaining this unusual move, he said "we don't just need points now, we need snookers!" British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.

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One day Jim complained to (Added On: 2010-02-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

One day Jim complained to his friend, "My elbow really
hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered. "Don't do that.
There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything
quicker and cheaper than a doctor." Simply put in a sample of your urine
and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you
can do about it. It only cost $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he
poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started
making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause
out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arms in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and
how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this
machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together
some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into
the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the
machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again
made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins.

Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better.

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A young man, who worked (Added On: 2009-09-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A young man, who worked at a driving range, picked up a couple of dozen
old balls one day and took them home with him, stuffing them into his
pants pockets.

On the bus on his way home, an elderly old lady sat down next to him,
so he had to scrunch them up to make room for her. He noticed after a
while the lady was glancing sideways toward his pockets. A bit
embarrassed, he said to the lady, "It's all right ma'am, they're just
golf balls."

She nodded and smiled sympathetically and a few moments later said,
"Tell me - is that something like tennis elbow?"

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The laws of golf (Added On: 2009-09-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

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Question answer (Added On: 2009-05-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

What does a footballer and a magician have in common?Both do hat tricks! Which football team loves ice-cream?Aston Vanilla!

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There are 6 funny Sports jokes in this category.

Prev 5 | Next 1