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Tasteless jokes
Mills and Boon... Oz (Added On: 2010-07-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Extract from an Australian Mills & Boon (one of those romance books)We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthly, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet whispering of the leaves in the Weeping Willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene.We lay there, both naked, I knew I had to have her and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I managed to move myself to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she had been waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as tension rose, we began the ultimate in sex. Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself from ending it all too soon.As sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind-blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out until the moment we had been both waiting for was upon us. As it did we rolled together in thenow damp grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long set sun meltedinto the darkness of approaching night, as we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace, I kissed her long and loving and whispered how good she had been, she tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered:"Baaaa", then re-joined the flock. A Panda Walks into a bar (Added On: 2010-06-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak, a potato, and a Coke please."So the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill. All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter. The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!" The panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?""Why yes," the barman answered."You're a panda.""Good," the panda nodded."Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary."And with that, the panda walked out of the bar. The barman was a little unsure, but he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary. After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition: PANDA: 1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves. Travelling Salesman Joke No. 44892 (Added On: 2010-06-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A travelling salesman was out in the country one evening and wasn't sure how to get back to the main highway. He came upon a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. "Sure," said the farmer. "I've got some beans and cornbread on the stove, but I've only got one bed, so you'll have to sleep with me."The salesman was very grateful. So they had dinner and went to bed early. The salesman was used to keeping late hours and couldn't get to sleep. His tossing and turning was keeping the farmer awake so the farmer finally suggested they play football. The salesman didn't understand."Here's how it works," said the farmer. "Everytime you fart, it's a touchdown." The salesman thought it sounded fun, and they started playing. The salesman took an immediate lead, with the farmer struggling to squeeze even one out. Finally he felt one coming on and he strained and grunted and strained and grunted...and let a big wet one rip all over his side of the bed. "What'll we do now?" exclaimed the salesman."Halftime. Switch sides." Port or Sherry? (Added On: 2010-06-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A playboy, out for pleasure one evening, picked-up a well-dressed young lady at a bar and took her to his apartment. She appeared well-to-do, chic, and very intelligent.Thinking to make an impression, Mr. Playboy showed her some etchings, first editions, etc. He then offered her some wine, asking whether she preferred sherry or port."Oh, sherry by all means!" she replied."Sherry is like the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in this crystal-like decanter fills me with the anticipation of a heavenly thrill. When the stopper is removed and the beautiful liquid is poured into the glass and I inhale the delicious tangy aroma, I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. As I taste the magic potion, my whole being thrills and glows, it seems like a thousand violins throb in my ears, and I'm carried into another world.""Port, on the other hand, makes me fart." The Pirate (Added On: 2010-06-03 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg? Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war. Interviewer: How did you get that hook? Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife. Interviewer: What about your eyepatch? Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye. Interviewer: And that put your eye out? Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.
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