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Tasteless jokes
Come To The Party (Added On: 2011-07-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in West Virginia as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Other-wise, it's total peace and quiet.After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded West Virginian standing there. "Name's Enoch. Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Havin' a party Saturday. Thought you'd like to come.""Great," says Sam. "After six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you, there's gonna be some drinkin'.""Not a problem. After 25 years in the computer business, I can do that with the best of them."Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin', too."Damn, Sam thinks... tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too.""Now that's not a problem," says Sam. "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear to the party?"Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. It's just gonna be the two of us." Gus the pus sucker (Added On: 2011-06-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A woman walks into a doctor's surgery with a huge boil on her arse. The doctor squeezes it, pushes it, and then looks at the hard white pus core.He says, 'This is too big a job for me.' So he sends her to Gus the pus sucker.The woman goes to Gus who looks at the bulging, red, inflamed boil festering with pus and says, 'This is no problem.'Halfway through the operation the woman drops a mammoth fart.Gus stops what he's doing, looks up and says, 'You know lady, it's people like you that make this job f***ing disgusting.' Moleasses (Added On: 2011-06-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.” The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.” The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.” 3 Men, 3 Wishes (Added On: 2011-05-30 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer. The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!''' Making Candles (Added On: 2011-05-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good and lit when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's making a mess all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion."Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams. Then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold.""Well that's a great way to keep the ship clean, but then I'm out a bag of gold every trip!""Not so," replied the other captain."After you get back to port, take all the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time."The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after barrel. When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long, I'll be able to buy a new boat!'This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the captain cried out, "What's the meaning of this?!""You sick bastard," replied the cop."Remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through town?""Sure," said the captain."What about 'em?!""Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all the nuns are pregnant!"
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