Weight Loss jokes
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There are 16 funny Weight Loss jokes in this category. |
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My wife is a light eater (Added On: 2011-12-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
"My wife is
a light eater. As soon as it gets light, she starts to eat."
~ Henny Youngman
Incitement To Diet (Added On: 2011-10-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
The loud repercussions
of diet discussions
Can set you to groaning aloud
By raising the issue
of adipose tissue
With which you feel over endowed.
You determine to lose,
but which method to use?
They're all couched in such intricate terms
That you long to get hold
of those wise men of old
Who sponsored the Diet of Worms.
The Bachelor Diet (Added On: 2011-08-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Monday:
Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste
while brushing your teeth.
Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers", those
little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents.
Also order French fries, a bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have her stop
on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox.
Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox.
Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner,
don't eat the coleslaw.
Tuesday:
Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw.
Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in
and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing
it whole to prevent nausea.
Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.
Wednesday:
Breakfast - Jaws couldn't eat Breakfast after a night at El Flasho's.
Lunch - Rolaids and a coke
Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps.
Thursday:
Breakfast - Order out for pizza
Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for
leftovers.
Dinner - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask
the bartender for olives.
Friday:
Breakfast - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the
Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for
you.
Lunch - Skip Lunch... Fridays are murder
Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't eat the
asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.
Saturday:
Breakfast - Sleep through it.
Lunch - Ditto
Dinner - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat
the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.
Sunday
Breakfast - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.
Lunch - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Don't eat Lunch.
Dinner - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting
your old room.
Diet pills (Added On: 2011-05-12 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
"I'm prescribing
these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient,
who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds.
"I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor
twice a day and pick them up, one at a time...."
The Baghdad Diet (Added On: 2011-04-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Forget Atkins!
Forget South Beach!
The Baghdad Diet is the only plan out there that has real results and
it’s so easy. You only need to spend 6 months in coalition custody
– no kidding that is it!
The Secret – three squares a day and no snacking. Coalition forces
will feed you three well balanced meals a day and they will make sure
that you don’t snack.
Simply Call Coalition Forces at 1-800-BAGHDAD.
Don’t wait to call - you're only robbing yourself of an opportunity
of a life time.
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There are 16 funny Weight Loss jokes in this category. |
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