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Work jokes
Reply To A Rejection Letter (Added On: 2010-06-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer orpublisher, just send them the following: Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter], Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After carefulconsideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept yourrefusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish mybook]. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving anunusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied andpromising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept allrefusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstandingqualifications and previous experience in rejecting[applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with myneeds at this time. Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] withyour firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creativehere]. I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts]. Sincerely, [your name] Why Were So Tired (Added On: 2010-02-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the Federal Government. That leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from that the 14,800,000 who work for State and Local Governments and we are left with 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 ill and in hospitals, so we now have 12,000 to do the work. Now there are 11,998 people in prisons so there are just two people left to do the work, you and me. AND YOU ARE SITTING THERE MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR E-MAIL! Bad Day at the Drug Store (Added On: 2010-01-31 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!" Jack and Jill Went to Work (Added On: 2009-11-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait and see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager went up to her and said, 'Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off.' Jill said, 'Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus.' It Doesnt Work Like That (Added On: 2009-10-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A truck driver was going south on I-75, when he came upon a weight station. When he pulled in and got on the scales to be weighed, the scale master told the driver that he was 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver replied, I can take care or that. The scale master asked he how could he fix the problem? The driver said, let me go around back, and I'll fix the overweight problem. The scale master agreed to let him fix his problem. About half an hour later the truck driver got back on the scales, and the scale master said, driver, you are still 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver said, I don't understand what went wrong. I let 50lbs. out of each tire on the rig. After thinking the problem over the scale master said, well 18 tires times 50lbs. would equal 900lbs. I guess my scales must be wrong. I'm sorry driver, you may continue on down the road, and have a nice day.
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